he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
