omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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