the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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