I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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