You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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