there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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