I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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