I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
