every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize