I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
