is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
