bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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