The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
