My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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