Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
