Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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