I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
