my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize