epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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