But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I checked into jail on foursquare
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
