is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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