I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
