She's JV to your varsity
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
