Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
