He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
