Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
