God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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