Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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