Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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