Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
