We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
