Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Found the puke drawer
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
