You're my little dorito
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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