Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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