would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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