You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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