College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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