He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
