Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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