so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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