I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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