if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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