mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
