a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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