I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
