whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
worst night to have a conscience
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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