So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
