Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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