Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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