He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
