What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
