i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize