i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
