just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
