Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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