Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
