Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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