What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
