If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
