Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
