I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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