And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
