he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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