im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You've changed since you got that strap on
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
