dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
