He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
