new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
