He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
