hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
