You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
