guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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